


What you couldn't say before

by schrijverr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt Dean Winchester, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Sam Winchester's Friends at Stanford, Stanford Era (Supernatural), Stanford Student Sam Winchester, john winchesters A+ parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 04:16:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18909367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schrijverr/pseuds/schrijverr
Summary: Dean shows up at Sams doorstep on Stanford, hurt.Sam wants to be there for him, but letting someone help him isn't Deans style*sad ending*





	What you couldn't say before

Sam was having a normal night, well as normal of a night it could be for a Winchester. He was hanging out with some friends and celebrating the end of a stressful exam week. They were just laughing at a stupid joke Jordan made when there was a knock on Sams door. Heads shot up and Mable asked: “Were you expecting anyone else?”

Sam shook his head as he made his way to the door. His brow was furrowed and he wondered who it could be. He opened the door and was met with a sight he thought he’d never see again, there right in front of him stood Dean. The jerk smiled and said: “Heya Sammy.”

Sam was speechless for a minute before he yelled: “We haven’t talked for almost two years and the only thing you got to say is “Heya Sammy”? What are you even doing here? And it’s Sam, not Sammy.”  
Dean let the onslaught of words roll over him and said: “Oh, what, in a year it will be Samuel or Mr. Winchester or something. Nice to know, Sammy.”

He slapped Sams shoulder and tried to walk into the place, but he didn’t get far. He was in the middle of asking if Sam had any beer when he suddenly went down. Sam cut off the angry remark he was going to make and yelled DEAN! Instead as he rushed to his brothers side. He fell down next to him and checked for breathing, when he saw Deans chest rising and falling he started to check for injuries and it wasn’t hard to find. Hidden underneath that stupid leather jacket he still wore were four deep gashes, next to each other. It had been done by something with claws. He yelled: “Someone get my medical kit. Under the sink. Hurry!”

He put pressure on the wound and cursed Dean under his breath. When the kit was put next to him he wasted no time. He grabbed scissors and cut open the undershirt Dean was wearing and hoped he wasn’t too attached to it, then he set to work with some disinfectant, a blunt sowing needle and some dental cord. It wasn’t how it was usually done, but it was how the Winchester family did it.

After a few stressful moments Sam was done. He sat back and admired his handiwork when it was suddenly brought to his attention that his friends were still there and that they had questions. Toby asked: “How the hell did you know how to do that?”  
Sam got startled and looked up, he hesitated for a second before he decided to say: “I had practice.”  
“Where would you get practice for that? You’re a law major.” Rey exclaimed.

Sam looked down on Deans peaceful face and said: “Well, lets just say Dean has always gotten himself in trouble and I was always there for him.”  
“So, is that your brother?” Jessica asked.  
Sam nodded and said: “That’s him alright. I never thought I would ever see him again. Figures he would only come when he needed help.”  
The silence that followed was filled with the sadness of that statement. It was just getting a bit awkward when Dean woke up with a gasp. 

He looked around him with a confused expression on his face when he found Sam and asked: “Sammy?”  
“Dude, I juts told you to call me Sam.” Sam said in an exasperated voice.  
Dean shook his head and said: “No, that’s not- what am I doing here?”   
A concerned look crossed Sams face and he said: “I don’t know. You just showed up at my doorstep, bleeding. What happened to you?”  
“I did? Oh, uh, sorry. I was out hunting and it didn’t go as I planned.” He explained.

“What were you hunting?” Rey asked from the couch.  
Dean looked over and back at Sam. “Did I interrupt something?”  
“Doesn’t matter. What were you hunting and where is dad? Did something happen to him?” Sam asked.  
Dean shook his head and said: “Dad’s fine. He’s in Ohio hunting on his own. He send me here to deal with a wolf.” he looked extra intently at Sam for the last part and Sam nodded that he understood, a werewolf.

“Dad lets you hunt on your own? That fucking dangerous, man. What are you both thinking!” Sam exclaimed.  
Dean rolled his eyes and said: “Don’t get your panties in a twist, Samantha. I’m 24, an adult. I don’t need to follow everywhere dad goes. He found two cases, gave the easiest to me and now I’m here and I’m tired.”  
Sam rubbed his temples and said: “You can take my bed, we’ll talk in the morning.”

Dean shook his head and said: “No, but I have to go. I’m in a motel close by and Baby is just downstairs we’ll be fine. Really, I’m fine.”  
“No, your car will be fine outside for a night. You are not driving, not in this condition. You are hurt Dean and I know we haven’t been on the best footing, but you’re not fine and you’re spending the night here.”  
“No, I’m sorry Sam, but I have to go. I have to call and report to dad in the morning and he will not find out that I fucked up and went here. He’s finally giving me more dangerous cases and this is not ruining that.” Dean gestured between them with an angry look.

He got up from the ground as Sam tried to find his words. Finally he angrily yelled: “Is that really what this is about? Dads crusade? Getting better cases? And here I thought you still cared about me, but no. You don’t even want me near you, you only wanted me when it could help hiding your fuck up from dad.”

With those words something broke inside Deans eyes, with a crack in his voice he said: “Don’t, don’t say that, don’t you do that. You were the one who left, not me.”  
“Well, it’s not like I didn’t try to keep contact, but that life, that’s not me. I’m not crazy for wanting to go to college. You were the one who never called or visited.” Sam said with hurt and anger in his voice.  
Dean bit his lip and retorted: “You think I had a choice? You think I wanted to give up the only person I ever cared about just like that. It cuts me that you think that, you know me. I would never do that, not willingly.”

“What do you mean with that? What are you not telling me?” Sam said, “Please, Dean, talk.”  
“You walked, you walked on my watch. Dad, dad, was so mad. He trashed the whole place and he said to me, he said “If you really cared, you would have stopped him”, he tore up the information you left behind for me and ruined my phone.” Dean took a deep breath and went on, “He makes sure I can never be close. He always finds something, a job for two, dangerous, people dying, always around important dates, Hell, this is the first time I said foot in California since you left. Dad, he isn’t the same, if you thought he drank too much before, you should see him now. It’s been terrible ever since you left. If he finds out I was near you, I don’t know what he will do to me.”  
Tears were flowing out of Sams eyes and he said: “Then don’t go, don’t leave me again. Screw dad, what did he ever do for us? You owe him nothing.”

Deans eyes were empty and teary as he said: “Is not that easy, Sammy. He’s family, I can’t leave him, he gave me purpose. Protecting, it’s what I’m good at.”  
“I don’t get- You can do that from here. You know Bobby will give you cases and you can be here, you don’t have to go back.” Sam was practically pleading now.

His friends made themselves as small and quiet on the couch as possible, they felt how important this was. Dean smiled sadly and said: “It’s not just protecting anyone, I’m still protecting you. The moment I leave, dads good little soldier, he will come after you. He would rather have you. He’ll come get you, no questions asked and he will do it with force if necessary. I can’t let that happen. You have a shot at a normal life and I ain’t the one taking that away from you.”

“Dean...” that one word conveyed it all, the sadness he felt for the faith of his brother, the anger at his father and the longing to his brother by his side.   
“I know, Sammy.” Dean said.

And before Sam could react he was out the door, leaving without a goodbye or hug. The moment the door closed Sam crumbled to his knees, silent sobs wracking through his body. Jessica was of the couch in seconds and by his side. She rubbed his back and spoke soothingly at him. She coaxed him to his bed and played with his hair until the sobs turned into soft snores when he fell asleep from emotional exhaustion.

Back with the others she directed them out the doors and said: “I’ll stay with him. You go, I’ll update you on his willingness to talk about it.”  
They nodded and Toby put all their feelings into words: “I was curious about Mr. Tight-Lippeds family, but I think I know enough now. That is some serious fucked up shit.”


End file.
